I'm not self destructive, just always hopeful.

I'm a hopeless romantic. Anyone close to me will agree. Sometimes I'm too cheesy, I actually feel I need to explain why. But my mind would race too fast, every thought becomes a fleeting feeling, and I end up setting them aside in one compartment in my mind with a label 'Must Process ASAP'.

Processing emotions take so much effort. It also takes a lot of courage to admit to yourself how you really feel. It's hard to tell even your closest friends. When I feel like I can't say it to a friend, I write letters to myself. Once I wrote a letter for that one guy who'll paint for me a love like no other. The letters I make are so real, so genuinely true, that they put my hopes so high up that one day, if I stop believing, I'd shatter to pieces. That's the risk I deal with everyday.

You may ask why I bother being a romantic when being a non-romantic is so much more convenient and frankly, practical. If I choose to be a non-romantic, maybe I'll be less disappointed with the world. Maybe I won't have to feel that teeny bit of sting every time I couples on a date when I'm out alone. Maybe I won't have to doubt myself- if I'm even worthy of the grand kind of love. 

If I choose to be a non-romantic, maybe I'd be less emotional. I'll have less lonely nights. I'll have saved myself a few mini heart attacks. If I choose to be a non-romantic, the only thing that'd be more of is being a disappointment to myself. 

Because choosing to be a non-romantic means I'm refusing to share to the world the overflowing hopeful kind of love. The romantic in me feels that maybe, just maybe, if I keep throwing this kind of love all over the place, it's gonna hit someone so strong it'll bounce back to me.

Coz maybe we want that first heartbreak as much as we want that first love. It's a gauge of how much you could handle, and how much more you can. If you're lucky to find the right love at the first try, awesome. For those not as fortunate, they take home a story to tell. A lesson to share. They find a new strength and a new self. That's more than enough reason to try. 

Because maybe that new version is your best version. And your best version will only deserve the best kind of love there is. That grand kind you've been waiting for.

♥ 

My Valentine's Post

I've been wanting to post some stuff in January but never got to do it. I just get stuck with an idea that I cannot put into words.

Now it's Valentine's Day and I guess I might as well put my two cents out there.

I came across an article that mentioned something about girls hating Valentine's day because they remember how single they are. My take? I don't need Valentine's day to remind me how single I am. Every waking day reminds me of that. And frankly, I'm perfectly okay with it. :) So I will not defend being single. Because first, it's not a crime. Second, it's not like I'm the only one left without a boyfriend. And third, because I'm happy with what and who I have in my life right now.

That is not to say I can't be happier. I can, of course. But you see, I'm also a believer in perfect timing. And like someone placing a special order of thigh and leg parts only for their fast food meal, I am willing to wait.

Just because I am single, doesn't mean I am without love. I feel the love from friends, and from my family, from Papa God.

I take a stress free work week as love from Papa God. He doesn't want me to have wrinkles. :)

A fun day with friends is love.

Awesome food is love.

Good deeds are love.

A good night message from my mom is love.

A visit from little Julian is love.

A sincere hug is love.

The perfect pair of shoes is love.

A beautiful weather is love.

A slice of that perfectly moist and light cake is love.

A tweet-back from someone you look up to is love.

Freebies are love!

Adam Levine is love. Chos! (Masingit lang? haha)

You see, love doesn't have to be from a single person. Love is how you see it. It's also how you say it. And how you show it.

To the people in my life, I love you! At different levels and different ways but I do. :)

And to the person who has yet to be part of my life, I don't know what's taking you so long but one day I know all this waiting is gonna be so worth it. See you soon! <3

Just keep wishing :)

Farrah asked for our 11.11.11 wishes so she can include it in her wish lantern.

Here's mine.

Please grant my wish, universe! :)

Oh, love.

I totally get the Matty vs Jake thing. Dream boy vs. the perfect (for you) boy. A lot of girls will go for the dream and hope that the perfect one, being perfect, will wait.

Awkward definitely hit the spot right there.

You guys have to watch! It's entertaining at the very least. And if you're a hopeless romantic like me...alam na.

Perfect!

Last night I made a last minute decision to attend the party that some August birthday friends organized.

I had a grand time laughing and catching up with everyone. Some friends brought their 'plus one' which made us singles discuss how we feel. A lot of us are okay but excited to fall in love. Some worry if they'll ever find one, and some just wanted to take things as they come.

Anyway, at mass earlier this evening, I just heard the perfect homily.

The reading said something like 'Ang nauuna ay mahuhuli, at ang nahuhuli ay mauuna.' (So the last will be first, and the first last.")

(read the complete gospel here)

Our parish priest, one of my favorites, Father Luciano shared a few stories in the homily.

He told us about his older sister who got married at the age of 26 but did not bear a child until she is 40. Another child just a few months ago. She is 44 now. She would cry to Father Luciano during the years that they were trying to get pregnant.

There is another woman who works at the parish. Father Luciano said 'Itong babaeng ito, mas matanda pa sa akin. Wala man lang kilalang naging boyfriend, ni crush wala. As in mula ulo hanggang paa, dalagang dalaga talaga. Akala namin at akala rin niya yun na ang tadhana niya. Eto ngayon, nagbakasyon sa Bicol. Siguro madaming bulag sa Bicol, nakaloko tuloy si ate. Ngayong November, ako ang magkakasal sa kanila.'

Yung mga nawawalan ng pag-asa, wag kayo susuko. Kasi hindi titigil ang Diyos, hahanapin ka niya para ibigay ang nararapat. Do not give in to the temptation of depression. Keep hoping. The Lord

I couldn't help but chuckle. I said to Joop 'Oh, magkaka boyfriend pa ako!' to which he replied 'Pag 40 ka na rin?' NAKAKAASAR! HAHAHA

But, yes Lord! I will wait. And while I'm at it, I'll work on being the person I want to be. And just enjoying the company of awesome people. :)

For more good read for the singles, here's one of my favorite blogs about life. http://everyday-isa.com/ Most of what she writes feel like my thoughts put into words. (Because I'm a better speaker than a writer.)

heart photo from blackmeetswhite.blog.com

I WANNA BE SELFISH, JUST THIS ONCE.

Taking a risk isn't always about diving into a situation. It's also a risk not to dive. One risks not knowing what could be. However, I find myself making wrong decisions whenever I decide to dive into situations. Following my heart led me to do things, while not wrong, would have been better executed differently.

I know deep inside, I still want to take a chance. I still want to see where such decision will lead us, or maybe just me. It is obvious that odds are against me. We cannot be. Because he is tied in a world so different from mine. He's a rockstar in his own right. I'm just another girl, like many others, who'd kill to be the one who to prove he deserve to be taken care of.

I guess I'm over-thinking again. I'm thinking way ahead and waaaay beyond reality. So I will take the risk of running away. Maybe running away will make me better. I wouldn't know. It's my first time to run away. All I know is that I must choose for myself, and not because of temporary fancy. I don't know where this will take me but my guess is it's somewhere without him.

And my other guess... I'm okay. :)

Just another drive home.

Farrah and I were driving along Katipunan. I was telling her about my crazy craving for Moon Leaf milk tea and she said something like...

Mare, ang puso, parang tiyan. Kumain ka man ng sandamakmak ng siopao, kung siomai naman ang gusto, eh never masa-satisfy.

Her statement didn't have any of the siomai-siopao banat, I just stated it that way to make it clearer. haha

TRUE THOUGH. Be it puso or tiyan.

REPOST

I'm reposting a part of an old post just because.

When people tell you 'stop looking for love, love will find you', do you actually believe it? Like what if it's all you've ever dreamt of and wanted? Cliche, I know. But if this is your kind of dream, it's not any different from dreaming of becoming a superstar, a hero, or a billionaire. In fact yours is the simplest of all dreams- all you wanna do is to fall in love. You can't just turn your back at your dream and wait for it to come to you. You need to constantly find reasons to work your way to that dream. I dunno what your dreams are, but mine is that we all find the love we all deserve. But I can only dream for all of us. It's up to each of you find it.

Lord knows I'd tell the world if I could. But telling everyone else except you wouldn't make a difference so why bother? Maybe one day I get to let you know. Maybe I won't.

JUST SAYING.

Teenage Dream

Because I'm so happy, I'm writing a note to my crush. :)

I can't remember the last time I got so kilig- the happy kind of kilig ha? As in the teenager type of kilig. It's nice pala. hahaha Nice to get jitters just because you passed by your crush and tried to smell him. hahahahahaha (ok ok, ako na talaga ang feeling 16 years old.) So papanindigan ko na. Here goes!

Dear G**,

You were in Bacolod, I was there too. I must admit that I did mention your name a few times- in between jokes an during the game- imagining you were there. Turns out you were just at the section next to ours. I guess it just wasn't time for us to meet. Maybe I'll get to tell you this story of how we were at the same place but not together, or maybe I won't. But for now I'd like to think that one day, soon I hope, we'll be more than just familiar faces at the pitch. ♥

Yes

Sometimes I forget how much music affect me. I was never the music girl. I love to sing, yes. Videoke is one of my favorite activities. But I was never the type who'd spend all day listening to the radio or searching for new songs. I only get to listen to the radio when I'm in my friends' cars (my dad keeps the radio off when driving), or when I ride the FX or bus. Heck, I didn't even have a radio all college. I did get one last December- those three in one gadgets with a transistor radio and two-way flashlight. I'm a parasite to music expert friends Peter and Aleli for new songs! And I have a certain taste in music which I myself cannot define.

Anyway back to my original reason for writing this post... Last night, Punky posted a link on Facebook. I clicked it and listened. And I found myself wanting to cry right after. Such a beautiful and genuine song.

Life rant

How can the perfect guy exist and not be available for you? INJUSTICE!

Some months ago, some friends and I listed our pegs for the perfect guy for each of us. Today I just added a peg on my list. And he's real. Not some fictional character like Puck or Nate Archibald.

Sobrang pasok siya in every detail. The profession, the character, the 'mukhang mabait' look, even the school. So you can just imagine my silent surprise. UGH, LOVE IT!

Then again, glad we're friends now. Temporarily unavailable lang ang cheeseburger pero isang araw, special delivery pa right at my doorstep.

EXCITING!

All I need :)

Wouldn't it be nice to be neighbors with your best friends like Jules, Ellie and the rest of the gang in Cougar Town?

Whenever I watch Cougar Town, I enjoy those scenes where the gang randomly shows up in Jules' place. Spend the night with a bottle of wine, or their weekly breakfast thing. It's just so nice to have friends within crawling distance, literally.

I find myself missing my friends a lot. I see some of them every Saturday in dance class. We also have the occasional dinner with college friends. Once we went to the beach for the weekend. (I wonder when we'll do that again?)

Two Saturdays ago, after dance class, Fa and I picked up Jen and drove to Bonifacio High Street to do some shopping. We had so much fun laughing during the trip! I have this feeling we're slowly introducing Jen to our jologs world. Now I'm sure she knows Mon Confiado. hahaha When Fa and I dropped Jen off to her house, we passed by this lot in their village that's for sale. It was a huge lot. Enough to fit two houses and is located on the main avenue of the village.

Fa joked 'Ano bilhin na natin?' Me: Oo para araw araw dance class na sa brewing point! And then the joke went on and on until we ended up imagining paano pag tinatamad ka maglakad papuntang Brewing Point? "Eh di gumulong ka nalang. Mga sampung gulong lang or tatlong tumbling, andun ka na. O di kaya, mag kariton ka. Sabihin mo 'yaya patulak sa brewing point. Pipitikin lang ni yaya yung kariton, tapos pag naka-baba ka na, hihilahin niya na pabalik yung kariton wahahahahahaha!" Imagine that exchange of crazy punch lines between me and Fa. Good thing we weren't in EDSA or else we'd be crashing into one of the cars or buses because of laughing too much.

I love my friends! I miss them everyday as much as I miss my family. They're my family here in Manila and I cannot live without them. I wish I see everyone before I leave for Christmas vacation in Iloilo!

Why Bob Ong is the best.

Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka. -Bob Ong

Photo source here.

Nothing

What is the only broken thing that works?

I died.

How would you feel when the guy who was once (and, somehow still is) your dream boy asked if you have or ever had a boyfriend?

And because you said no...He asks...

"Pero naghihintay ka pa rin?"

I replied 'Yeah, kung meron, di okay! Kung wala, di okay lang rin.'

photo from EmilyO. via flickr

But I was close to saying 'You're taking too long. Six years to be exact.'

ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!

"There's a man out there who will fight for you."

Please let mine be this guy.

kthanksbye.

Life's a movie

Well, almost. I find that there's always a little truth in movies.

Right now one of my favorite Sharon movies is on Cinema One- Kung Ako Nalang Sana. I hate to admit it but I kinda feel like I'm a little of Emmy (Sharon). Aside from our size (haha), I really see myself as Emmy some ten years from now. The girl who looks after everyone- family and friends. I hope to be as rich as her character too!

Kulang lang sa akin- guy best friend who, when I reach 40 and single, will be willing to marry me. hahahahahaha Shempre naman I wanna be married before I reach 30 noh. Okay fine 32. May allowance para sure.

Speaking of guy best friend...I guess I really don't have one. I have guy friends but my closest friends are girls. I mean, no one can understand girls like their girlfriends do. The closest I had to a guy best friend was back in high school. Until he fell in love with my friend. hahahaha Until now, sila pa rin so I guess it's meant to be. But it doesn't matter. I love my girl and gay friends! I'm sure one day we'll meet our prince charming through them or maybe we'll meet THE ONE when we're out with our friends. They'll be there when some casanova breaks your heart. Their tears will flow when you make your vows and some of them will be among the hopefuls to catch the bouquet.

Whatever it is, girlfriends will stick with you through thick and thin.

Oh well, I'm just 21. I shouldn't panic yet.

Or okay, I should not panic too much yet.

I feel for you

Was sulking today coz while everyone's scheduled to watch Eclipse, I was stuck at home watching PNoy's inauguration and doing my laundry. That was until I got a text from Farrah. Her boss, whose husband is the brand manager of C2 gave her two premiere tickets for the 9 pm screening at Shang. NALOKA AKO. SHEMPRE YES!!! Before you fear finding spoilers here, let me assure you that there's none. No quotable quotes and 'scene' descriptions. But let me say it was famazing! As in effin amazing! To hell with the Twilight haters but this movie is totally leaps better than the first one. The soundtrack's good too!

In the middle of the movie Farrah and I kept rooting for our boyfriends. Fa for Edward, me for Jacob. I guess I know how it feels to not be loved in return. Or be loved but in a different way. Farrah was totally into the messy and rough look of Edward. For the record, I don't like the rockstar look- messy hair, drugged eyes, hoarse voice so it was easy for me to like Jacob. His hair's always neat, he's got abs flashing like stoplights for your heart, and he's got this mega martyr heart you'd fall in love with. Edward is martyr, yes. But I'm just not into the whole disheveled look.

And oh, I couldn't help but associate some characters to local showbiz personalities. Please watch out for Victor Wood and Alfie Lorenzo. HAHAHAHA I couldn't breathe as I tried to suppress my laugh when I pointed out Alfie Lorenzo. I SWEAR, I TRIED BUT I LET OUT A SQUEAK. That moment was HILARIOUS!

Like I mentioned in my tweet, tonight I felt like a student again. Like the good old days when Fa and I would catch the last full show of a movie on a school night. When we'd stay late to catch up about life (this part not so much coz we were pressed for time), and then we'd see familiar people at the mall. I remember thinking the people who declare they miss college are just OA. Now I find myself one of them. It's different when all you care about is to be with your friends and pass you classes. When you're done with school, being with friends become a tad more difficult. We all have crazy schedules, our own plans every weekend, or some are too tired they just wanna sleep all weekend. If you're lucky, you'd get to enjoy the company of those who aren't too eager to get a job yet. I did- watched Showtime at the studio with some friends, spent three hours doing karaoke with them. I LOVE IT!

Okay...this is pretty much a sabog post. But that's how I am when I tell a story. :))