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Been feeling bummed all day today. Maybe it's the hormones. Or the weather (been raining the past 3 days and you know how I'm not friends with the rain). Or maybe there's something else that's been bothering me but I can't quite figure out what.

More often than not, when I'm feeling down, I gravitate toward the eternal topic of the heart. It didn't help that James Morisson is the star of my rainy day playlist and that I've been witnessing a lot of these 'strong emotions' lately. Yes, that's witnessing, not experiencing. hehe

Anyway, the nicer part of the day came in the evening. My college friend and blockmate Vincent just proposed to his girlfriend. I'm gonna let the video tell you about it.



After watching Vincent's proposal video, I started watching wedding videos which I shouldn't be doing coz...gets niyo na yun.

Anyway, enough chit chat. I wanted to write something because I need a reminder. I cannot tell anyone what I'm feeling. Don't even coerce me. NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

I find myself overthinking something I'm not even feeling (yet?). Pinapangunahan, kumbaga. And I hate it. Because it's not the best version of me. It's my fucked up version. You see, I have a tendency to settle. It's just a tendency. It usually ends as soon as I recognize it because the bigger voice in my head would scream I DESERVE THE BEST. So into the bin goes the settling and hello again to my 'normal' self.

Because I'd rather be alone in my normal self than be alone in my fucked up version. Admitting to these strange but familiar feelings (YES, I SEE THE IRONY THERE) do not guarantee that I will not be alone. Admitting would only mean there are thoughts that will keep me up at night. Thoughts that remain as just thoughts when you wake up in the morning.

So don't ask me how I'm feeling. Coz I'm afraid to ask myself. Coz even if I knew the answer, I'm not gonna tell. If I don't tell, no one knows. If no one knew, then it never existed. And maybe, that's how it should be.