First day thoughts

Happy new year!

I have written here less and less over the years and I feel slightly bad about it. Mga three percent. haha I used to just write whenever I feel like it, about whatever I want. I don't care if no one reads it. Now I just rant to my friends, or worse, have crazy bad mood episodes at home. That's fine when my folks aren't here. But when they're in town and I have a bitch fit, it gets bad. I hope I can work on a less destructive outlet soon.

Anyhooo, I don't know how it happened but I ended up watching two Filipino movies tonight. First was That Thing Called Tadhana (saw this in the cinema first; Angelica Panganiban and JM de Guzman) , followed by Just The Way You Are (Enrique Gil and Liza Soberano).

My heart is a mess right now.

The funny thing is, I've seen a lot of Pinoy movies, and not just romance movies ha. I watch action movies, heavy drama, slapstick comedy. I believe the only exception would be horror movies. I cannot handle horror movies- local or foreign.

Back to my heart being a mess, I'm quite surprised that I feel some emotion after watching the two movies because I've always believed they can't make me kilig anymore. I've seen every possible smooth move, and heard every mushy line there is. WRONG. Or maybe I just let my guard down for a moment, after all, it is new year's day.

Indulge me as I let all these feelings out tonight and hopefully, avoid a bad-mood episode when I wake up in the morning.

Naniniwala pa rin ako na meron at merong pag-ibig na para sa atin. Yung taong naiintindihan ka at iintindihin ka. Yung naniniwala sa mga pangarap mo at gusto niya, makamit mo ang mga ito. Yung masaya kapag nagtatagumpay ka kasi alam niyang ang tagumpay mo ay tagumpay rin niya. Yung hindi ka pakakawalan kahit nag iinarte ka. Sa halip, patatawanin ka niya hanggang malimutan mong galit ka. Yung araw-araw pipiliin ka, kahit mahirap, kahit nakakapagod, kahit minsan parang suko ka na. At ikaw rin, araw-araw pipiliin siya. Yun ang para sa atin.  

Whenever I remember how much love I can give, I am reminded how much love I deserve. And it makes me hold on, it makes me hang in there another second, another minute more. Tiwala lang. Sabi nga ni Lola Nidora ' sa tamang panahon.'

Posterity

"Kasi yung ganyang kalaking pagmamahal, ganyang overwhelming love, imposibleng walang pupuntahan e. May mababalik sayong pagmamahal. Not necessarily sa taong pinagbigyan mo, pero sigurado akong may mababalik sayo."

Notes to self

I actually really mean notes to self. Skip this nalang! :)

28 November 2014

Balcony hohol with Berns and Carmela over a bottle of pale pilsen, a can of San Mig light, and a slice of Starbucks chocolate crepe cake. Not sure if the beers and the cake match pretty well or we were just hungry.

Berns called me his ball of sunshine. Carmela agreed. I wanted to cry because it was the first time my 'goal' was verbally affirmed. But all I could say was thank you. Thank you that they noticed. Thank you kasi nararamdaman naman pala. 

Posting it here because I don't want to forget. Because I want to be reminded whenever I doubt myself.


6 December 2014

I've been so distracted the past few weeks. All I could think of was sending the perfect gifts to our customers. I have so many more gifts to buy on top of all the office work to do before the year ends.

I just got back from a week of chaperoning my mom in Iloilo while my Dad was at a work trip in Pagadian with my kuya.

Heard anticipated mass today. Second Sunday of Advent. Because I've been distracted lately, I prayed for forgiveness. And strength, and guidance so I can focus on the last few weeks of work before the office Christmas break. I wanted to find or hear the word JUSTICE to tell me the distraction is okay. It's a thing I do when I want a sign but not really. I pick a word and if I encounter it within the day, that's my pseudo-sign.

I didn't see or hear 'justice' today. But at mass the reading was Mark 1:1-8. MARK 118. Gets mo, self? GETS. This is crystal.

Again, posting this to remind myself something. :)

Tita Wish List

It's the first of December! The most traffic time of the year (at least in Manila). I am writing this from the Iloilo home. The folks flew me in to keep my mom company while dad is in Mindanao for work. Dad and I actually just said hi-hello at the airport. Ay, andami kong sinabi? Okay bye! :)

Twenty Five

I'm 25! I turned twenty five two weeks ago. I don't feel any different; only more aware of my age. Twenty-five sounds old until you reach that age. Anyway, I'm gonna share my learnings so feel free to click X now. hehe


1. I spent my year of being 24 learning how not to give a shit about what others think. There are opinions that matter and there are opinions that qualify as mema (me-masabi lang). At 25, I'd like to think I got the hang of filtering opinions. Of course there will be 'off' days, sucky days, well, shitty days but I have learned to handle these situations properly. Defend yourself if you must. Speak your mind if you can't help it but don't lash out each and every time. Pick your moments! Feels pretty awesome. :)

2. Find time to do the things that make you happy. Cliche, I know! But hear me out. It doesn't have to be something you earn from. I'm not saying leave your job. Your job and your passion need not be one and the same.  If it is, well CONGRATULATIONS! In my case, my job is an enabler. It allows me to do the other things that make me happy. When I was a kid, I wanted to be an artist - specifically a painter and sculptor. But I realized I cannot draw to save my life. My mom proudly displays my first ever painting at our Iloilo home. It's a small garden with three 'front-view' butterflies. Not elegant at all! I cringe whenever I see it but she loves it so fiiine. HAHAHA! I also remember drawing a forest for art class with a snake that looked more like a very healthy worm. Since then I just set aside the creative part of my life. I guess if it's in you, it'll nag you until you nourish it. I started with small DIY projects like painting an old pair of shoes. I rediscovered watercolor, and recently started to dabble in calligraphy. I am lucky to have a bunch of legit artist friends who I can consult when I have a new project. Looking forward to pottery classes too!

3. Take control. Manage what you can. Be it feelings, your temper, expectations; Choose your words carefully. It saves you from so much unnecessary stress. If need be, hold back. Not because you're afraid, but because you know (deep inside) it's not worth it.

4. Stick to core. Everyday, our principles are challenged. And when I find myself in a 'situation', I go back to my core- what kind of person I want to be, which decision will allow me to sleep at night, and which decisions let me to 'live with myself'.

5. Love yourself. You cannot give what you do not have. You cannot fully love life, love your friends, love someone else when you do not love yourself. And me not listening to irrelevant people, doing what I love, taking control and standing by my principles are all because I love myself.

It's not a lot of lessons at 25. But I'm posting it as a reminder. :)

It's Christmas already!

Has it really been a year? Crazy! Every December, I try to recall my best memories of the year and very often it come up with something that happened during the summer. Not a fling (unfortunately) HAHA This 2013 it's going up the Cordillera Region and exploring 5 of its 6 provinces. Aaaahhh... You guys have to go there! 

Anyway, posting my annual wishlist. 

These are mostly stuff on my own shopping list that I don't mind receiving as gifts.

1. Headware! Light, quick-drying, and multi-use. Perfect for my adventures.  http://www.theheadware.com/files/theme/headware-2013-catalog.pdf

2. J. Maxwell and other business / leadership books. Before agreeing to attend UP for college, my dad promised that if I still want to pursue MBA, he will send me to Ateneo. Four years in business school and I don't want to take MBA anymore. I'd rather take special education or art studies. But since I work with my dad, I try my best to make up for skipping graduate studies by reading these books. Eventually I plan to put the books in the office so my officemates can borrow it. I wish they do. Coz I would hate to tell them what they should have or shouldn't have done.

3. Washi tapes. I still like them. I don't get to use them a lot though. Right now I mainly use them to post documents in my cubicle. It helps me enjoy my work desk more.

4. Food! Royce chocolate chip and truffle oil. These are items I can't afford on a regular basis. HAHA! I like eating Royce Nama and potato chips separately. I can only imagine what happens when they're combined. Now the truffle oil, imagine scrambled eggs with a dash of truffle oil for breakfast. Aaaah!

5. Donations. Doesn't matter how much. You don't even have to tell me about it.

Typhoon Yolanda destroyed the Visayas. I'm sad that very little attention is given to provinces in Panay island. I do know that Red Cross has presence in these areas. NVC is based in Bacolod but has a solid network in the Visayas. I also like NVC's other projects such as sponsoring a classroom or providing boats to fishing villages. (If you're interested, a boat costs 20k, that's the motorized boat plus environmental conservation fees. Plus you get to name the boat! hihi) On the other hand, I am happy to hear some grade school acquaintances based in Iloilo have relief operations of their own. I hope I see some of them when I visit for Christmas to ask how we can send more help.

Website: nvcfoundation-ph.org/how-you-can-help/

I hope we are kinder not just during Christmastime. You know, try to warm a heart every chance you get. Give the beggar something to eat or better yet take her to the food place. Offer your seat to an oldie or someone who looks so tired. Smile at people in the store even if you refuse their offer. Buy your village guards a bag of hot pandesal just because. Thank the servers every time they refill your glass of water, or the guard who opens the door for you. Little acts of kindness go a long way, guys! It restores faith in humanity, it makes someone's day brighter, it makes you happy knowing you have been a good person today, everyday.

Wishing you all a meaningful Christmas season. :)

Random Rambling(s)

I never imagined I'd get back to blogging because I had to ramble.
***

Lots of my friends have been taking further studies lately. One is taking masters in education, one got a grant in Hong Kong, one has left for an MBA in Singapore (Hi Tin!) and another will be leaving for an MBA in Paris.

I'm so envious! But it's a good kind of envy. It's like this. I'm pretty sure I don't want an MBA. I'm tired of studying anything about business. Four years in college is enough for me. I wanna study something new. This brings me back to my art studies dreams.

Two years ago, I applied for a masters program in art studies. The first hurdle was a written exam. It was a fight or flight moment for me. I had no idea what they were asking me to explain in the essay questions. I felt so dumb, clueless, and totally out of place. The 12 others in the room were all buried in their papers, writing frantically while I stared at a blank paper for a good 30 minutes deciding if I should pretend I have LBM or write lyrics of songs so I can pretend to be answering the test. One of the applicants even asked for more sheets of paper from the proctor while I scraped my brain for at least one sensible sentence that I can write. The essay required at least 300 words per question. I thought, okay I will not pretend I have an upset stomach because it would totally suck if they remember me as the girl who left because she got LBM sa sobrang nerbyos. I will write whatever thought enters my mind. When I finally started writing, I had 82 words. The next question I had 136. Clearly, very far from the minimum of 300 words. In business school, we were trained to deliver a point in less than two minutes. Less words, clearer message, bigger impact. So I figured, well, this is how I think. I hate paligoy-ligoy. I hate bullshit essays. Maybe if I can make a point in 82 words, they'll forget the fact that I said it in 82 words.

I left the exam room first. Not because I was the fastest thinker but because I had nothing else to write. I felt dumb. Hopeless. Ridiculous. What was I thinking? A business grad taking up art studies masters? KALOKA. I wanted to cry. On my bus ride home, I was on the verge of tears. I had to say goodbye to art studies. It wasn't for me. Side story: I was so preoccupied in stopping my tears that I did not notice I was seated beside an old, blind man. I only noticed him when he kept bugging the bus conductor to let him off at Litex. He then asked me 'Iha, asan na tayo?' Ay, malayo pa po sa bababaan niyo. 'Sa Litex ako bababa.' Sige po sasabihan ko kayo. As we approached Litex I told him 'Malapit na po. Eto po, Litex na. Ingat po kayo. The blind man grasped my left hand and smiled and said salamat. GOD I lost it then and there. My tears flowed and I kept trying to pull myself together because my sight was so blurry and I had to get off the next stop. The blind man reminded me what the Three Idiots keep telling us. ALL IS WELL. We gotta make do with what we have. We gotta make it work.

While waiting for the results of the written exam (that was around three weeks), I thought (1) I totally sucked at the written exam. I'm not gonna pass. *cries/ goodbye art studies dreams* (2) maybe I shouldn't qualify for the program because I had the wrong reasons for applying for it.

Which leads me to my sub-topic. What were my reasons for applying? Let me make it clear (to myself, haha) I knew even in undergrad school that I loved Art Studies. Without a doubt. I took every art studies undergrad class available. I'd like to think it was an interest waiting to be discovered. I didn't know I was passionate about it until I noticed I've been taking so much classes! But as to why I applied? (1) I hated work. Even if I was only required to show up in the office twice a week, I hated it. I felt I wasn't learning. That anybody can practically do what I was doing, for a fraction of my salary. I was replaceable! (2) Because I hated it, I sucked at it. More and more each day. You know the feeling of doing something because the job feeds you and you have bills to pay? That's exactly how I felt. (3) Despite being the child of the boss, I did not feel I was being mentored well by the seniors at work. In hindsight though, maybe I felt that way because I hated it in the first place- therefore rejecting every single chance that I can learn. I took each 'sermon' as a personal attack, I took each sermon from my daddy boss as a sign of disappointment. I took it as a daughter, not an employee. (4) I felt the seniors expect me to takeover one day. No one bothered to ask if I wanted to do this until I get old. I felt everyone thought it was a predestined path. That I will learn everything the moment they tell me about it. (Uhm, in school, we'd learn it if we keep doing it. And personally, the biggest lessons stick to my mind if I learned it through a big blunder like failing a quiz because I forgot the capital of Finland. Now I'll never forget Helsinki.)

So I thought, okay I'm escaping something. I'm not taking Art Studies because I wanna learn. Of course I want to learn. But I had other (bigger) motives. I thought, I could always use my classes as an alibi to skip going to work. That I had projects to research, exams to study for, and I planned to recycle practically every alibi my undergrad college self used to escape chores and errands at home.

Just a day after the exam, I realized I would never pass it and I needed a backup plan. Which isn't really much of a backup because the plan was to continue working.

So it's more of a change in perspective. I should change the way I see it. I have to consider the number of employees we have. Multiply it by 5 (average family size, assuming they are breadwinners). That's the total number of people the business 'supports'. I had to imagine how many children are able to go to school because we employ their father or mother. Then BOOM! It's not just me anymore. It's us now. I work because we have over a hundred mouths to feed. Because the kids need to buy pencils and papers and get a decent education so they become productive citizens in the future. Because the parents of our employees are retired and our employees rely on their benefits to provide them with healthcare.

And boy, a change in perspective definitely did wonders. When I make mistakes, I apologize and learn from it (sometimes on the fifth offense of the same booboo hehe) because if everyone else is doing their jobs right, I owe it to them that I do mine correctly. Because I hated getting scolded by daddy boss, I am more careful with the work I do. Which leads to less mistakes.

Now I've embraced the two to three days office reporting. You see, daddy boss is not a believer in 5-day workweek. If you have nothing to do in the office, don't go. It's better than showing up everyday and pretending to be productive. It also saves the office some operational costs - less electronics plugged in when there are less people, less lights switched on, less petty cash expense on food, and more efficient days for everyone. We get things done on two days versus spreading out the five things you can do today into a one task each day.

I still have lazy days but when I get lazy I just tell myself 'get up early today, sleep all morning tomorrow.' Not everyone has that perk! I appreciate the fact that I can afford to oversleep on a Monday. That while 90% of the working population have to get up extra early on Mondays to make it to flag ceremony on time, I can work from home and choose the time I want to shower. And on days that I need to report on a Monday, I don't mind (most of the time hehe). My self-absorbed, I'll-take-masters-to-avoid-work self would think "I owe this free Monday to daddy boss." Today, I'd like to think of it as '50% I still owe to daddy boss, 50% I earned it! I finish urgent tasks before Friday to make sure I have nothing I need to rush on a Monday.

Okay, whoa. That's a lot of rambling. I had to get it off my chest.

Now, I'm ready to give art studies another chance (if Universe allows). I am not escaping anything this time. Just really pursuing a passion.

P.S.
A week after all my realizations and 'perspective rehab', I found out I passed the exam. hahaha! But I skipped the interview because I realized I had to execute my new game plan first. And I felt maybe I just needed to suck at the written exam to realize everything (see ramblings above.)

P.P.S.
The Finland-Helsinki example didn't really happen to me. That's just an example. I got that from the Anchor Milk tv ad. hehe

BUSCALAN

Meeting the last mambabatok, Fang-Od was the reason for the Cordillera adventure. It was our only goal. The other destinations only came about during the planning. I wanted to meet her so many years ago but well, I wasn't very adventurous then, plus I didn't have an adventure buddy and funds. Then two years ago, Mau graduated from college and it felt like the best time to go out on an adventure. But she got a job (too soon) and we had to postpone everything. 

Looking back, I thought it was perfect that the trip had to be moved and moved again. I realized weren't quite ready then. I was too maarte, we didn't have money, we had no solid itinerary. It the trip pushed through, we probably ended up having an inefficient and costly trip.

Anyway, the trip to Buscalan wasn't easy. We were so tired, our bodies were sore from the Batad trip and it was scorching! We had to to trek under the sun for two hours. Thinking about it, I prolly would have done a better trek if the weather was cooler, I wasn't tired and if I was wearing outdoor shoes (I wore flat ground running shoes).

The phrase 'road less travelled' was written for a reason. It was exactly how I felt during the first hour of the trek. There was no trail. It was all steep, dusty, ground. It got better in the next hour. It was flat and we got some shelter from the sun because we were in the mountainsides. When I saw the stairs though, I knew I was in trouble. My legs were still aching from the Batad terraces traverse. Every step felt like torture. I was dragging my ass with every bit of energy I could scrape off my imaginary power tank. I had no more water and our guide kept saying 'one more hour and we'll be there'.

I saw an abandoned hut beside our nth set of stairs, I told the group to go ahead and I'll catch up. I HAD TO REST OR I WILL DIE. So Mau and I sat on a few big stones to catch our breath. A few minutes later, I heard the sound of kids giggling. I said to Mau, 'Teh, baka malapit na tayo. Naririnig mo ba? Parang mga bata yun.'  True enough our companion called us and announced that we have arrived at our destination. 

Mau and I got up for one last push. When I got pass the fence made of barks, I saw Fang-Od. Sitting outside her house, smiling at the new faces. I looked at Mau who was close behind and said 'Teh anjan na siya! To which she replied 'Oo ngaaaaa!' I wanted to cry. I couldn't move for a few seconds. My heart was spazzing. I asked our guide if I can come closer. He laughed thinking of course you can! We went up to her to mano. She squeezed my hand and smiled and laughed. Oh dear. Two years of planning and I can't believe she's right in front of me. All of a sudden I felt a surge of energy. I was tired, yes. But I somehow had so much enthusiasm and extra energy, and wanted to explore the whole village.

Kitchen duties

We settled in Fang-Od's house. I got my camera so we can go around the village but I got sidetracked because I saw Fang-Od being photographed in the kitchen. The photographer, Kuya Raul, a local of Banaue, invited me in so I crouched beside him and took photos as well.

We all got our tattoos the next morning. In between tattoo sessions, we'd hang out with the locals.

I felt peaceful in the two days we stayed there. There was no need for so much money. Everyone was so kind. There was a little enterprising whenever visitors came. I got a rattan necklace and even met the maker, Kuya Mindo (read as Mindu). It was actually his younger brother, Abel who sold me the necklace on our first night. I met Kuya Mindo on our second night. He makes rattan accessories and takes them downtown to sell to tourists.

We also washed our clothes! There is only one water source so everyone does their laundry in that area.

Ate Ruby (in black), Ate Selma (in yellow), and Ate Nancy (in pink) hanging out with us. The little boy in the middle lives in that hut behind the ladies. His mother allowed me to hang my laundry on their clothesline. The other guy lives in another part of the village.

I loved hanging out with the locals. They're nice, funny, and have so much stories to tell. They taught us some words in the Botbot dialect.

Pija - masarap
Manja mara - salamat
Pintas - maganda

Interesting how pintas is something positive in the Botbot dialect and negative in Tagalog.

Trivia: Their tribe names are based on their dialect. The people of Buscalan belong to the Botbot tribe (read as Butbut). There is no 'umbrella' dialect in the Cordilleras. Because the Cordilleras are mountains, there isn't much interaction between tribes back then. The level of variation of dialects depend on the distance of the tribes from each other.

It was bittersweet to say goodbye to everyone in the lovely village. They taught me simplicity- from the food we ate, to the home we lived in; pretty much in all aspects. They taught me happiness. I mean, I am generally a happy person, but these people have 'less' than me and they feel so rich. It was a beautiful learning.

 One last photo before we leave. 

Sleeping Beauty Mountain

Manja Mara, Buscalan! I will be back.

I'll try to tell you about Cordillera

I really wanted to write about my recent Cordillera adventure but I cannot find the words to encompass how I felt during and after the trip. It was exhausting, hot in the morning, chilly at night. It was a test of willpower and endurance. It was also beautiful, breathtaking, the kind that enriches your soul and you feel like your heart wants to burst, really, just amazing. But for the sake of keeping tabs on my trips, I will try to write about it.

***

We traveled to Banaue via Ohayami Bus in Manila. The trip would be 9 hours but it took us over 17 hours to get to Banaue because of road construction. No one was complaining, no one was mad during the long delay but we all knew everyone was hungry. I had to eat my 'trail food' of Breadstix and cheese in the bus. Gawd, it tasted like chicken. I also had to limit my water intake to avoid the urge to pee during the trip.

During a stop, Mau and I saw a carinderia and decided to pee and get some food. It became the fastest breakfast we've had because upon our food's arrival, the conductor called everyone to get back to the bus already. We stuffed whatever could fit our mouth while laughing at ourselves and semi-panicking. We couldn't finish the meal so we ran back to the bus with pieces of longganisa and rice stuck in our throats. When we got to our seat, we were still laughing at how ridiculously fast we ate and how crazy we must've looked back there.

BANAUE AND BATAD

We finally arrived in Banaue sometime past 3 in the afternoon. The air was cold. The bus driver turned the aircon off and we opened our windows to enjoy the breeze. Mau and I explored the town a bit. We went to the foot of the terraces after eating an early dinner. We then grabbed a beer at the lodge restaurant before retiring.

The view of Banaue Rice Terraces from People's Lodge.

The next morning, we were off to Batad. From the Saddle (take off point) one has to trek for 45 minutes to an hour to get to the terraces. The trail is easy, except if you're old or if you have rheumatism. It's gonna be quite a challenge.

First Bulol (Ifugao rice god) sighting. 

The Bulol (Bulul) is one of the biggest influences in my wanting to get into Art Studies during my undergraduate days in the University. I find it fascinating at the very least. I even passed the masters program but why I didn't pursue it is another story. hehe

 Batad Rice Terraces from the tourist registration area. 

When you see it in person, you'll understand what breathtaking means.

When in Batad, you have to visit Tappiya Falls. It won't be easy. But it is beautiful. You must go.

From Batad, you have to traverse the terraces and

 trek the mountains for two hours to reach Tappiya Falls.

Tappiya wiped out my energy so the walk back to the Saddle felt like a death sentence. My legs were shaking! Pero push lang. 

Next stop: Bontoc - Buscalan

Challenge # 1

I'm currently sick and very bored right now so I spent my rest day watching new episodes of my favorite series, and reading Google reader- most of them food blogs. So I came up with this idea of a challenge.

We shall call it The 200-peso food challenge. Everytime I dine alone for a month, I will have to keep each meal within this budget. I know two hundred bucks can feed a family (heck, the government claims a family of 4 can be fed on a budget of 175 pesos each day). But that's not the point of this challenge. Lately, I noticed my meals reach up to 500 pesos. That's fine from time to time. I mean, all good things come with a price. But I hardly make an effort to spend wisely when it comes to food so this should be a fun change!

 

I'll try to document it and rate my meal! Shall post it on Instagram. Challenge starts January 14 when my parents are be back in the province and I'll have to feed myself. haha

Random tips

Just posting some random tips.

For the home:

Sticky labels? Use masking tape to peel them off the surface. You can also use masking tape to pick up lint on clothes or glitters on the floor.

Moldy shower but hate scrubbing? Mix Domex (this stuff is amazing!) with water (around 2:1) and spray it on the moldy surface. Leave for a few minutes. The dirt will drip with the mixture. Also works on shower curtains and kitchen tops.

Add some essential oils to baking soda and place it in your bathroom or shoe cabinet to absorb odor and moisture. If you're sensitive to scents, skip the essential oil.


Kikay tips:

Dry lips? Scrub your lips with sugar and some honey.

If you're a hoarder like me, store your extra creams and mask sheets in the fridge.

Full-coverage foundations are more flexible and more value for your money. Add to moisturizer to make tinted foundation, or thin out its coverage by spritzing water on your makeup brush/ sponge before application. An extra layer on target areas will also eliminate the need for concealer.

Fix your brows. SERIOUSLY. If there's anything I wish I knew in college, it would be this. The brows frame your face. It's the best instant 'makeover' you can do.

Revive your hardened gel liner by popping it in the microwave for 5 seconds. Make sure it's in a glass pot. Don't forget to remove the cap. haha

Dab your lipstick with your finger instead of swiping it. Color stays longer if you dab.

***

That's about it! Hope I've helped!

Bring it on!

Here's my game plan for 2013.

This year, I'll invest more. In the beginning of 2012, I started building my stock portfolio. I am happy to report that my money grew by 20% at the end of 2012. That's bigger than ANY savings account bank can offer. Of course, in actual value, I still won't be able to buy a house or a car if I cash out my portfolio. Besides, there's no way I'm cashing out. The PH economy is on a roll!

I will travel more. Last year, I visited Siem Reap and I had a blast! I booked Beijing too but had to skip the trip because of the stricter visa requirements. This year, I'm skipping countries with visas to recover from the horror of China visa requirements. I'll stick to our friendly South East Asian neighbors. I'll also welcome local trips. Roadtrips will also count! I think I have Baguio in February. I hope it pushes through because the first and only time I was in Baguio was for a wedding back when my age was still a single digit. I hear Baguio is sooo different now.

I will make this house brighter and more homey. For most of the year each year since college, I live alone here in Lola's house. It's not huge but it's still difficult to keep everything neat when you have to do everything. When my mom and dad are here, that's easy because they love cleaning. (I think it's a parent thing?) Anyway, I plan on upgrading some stuff and adding a few DIY upcycle projects here and there to prettify the place.

Quality over quantity. It has been said over and over but I gotta put it into action. You see, I love trying new products. I have literally hundreds of different products on my dresser and in my bathroom. My gosh, sometimes it's a nightmare! To give you an idea, I have 5 different bottles of body washes in the shower, four different soaps, four kinds of toners, three different face masks, three facial washes, and a ton of lotions. That's not all. Don't make me count the makeup I have. Safe to say I have at least three brands of any product. Grabe. This year I'll try very hard not to buy new stuff unless I finish the old ones. I should do a 'hit the pan' or 'finish a tube' project. Yes, I think I should.

Also this year, I will continue doing crafts. The year 2012 felt like a craft revolution for me. I'd like to think I was crafty as a kid. I got it from Mom. She'd make handmade Christmas tree ornaments, home decors, headbands and hair clips that I would wear to school. But she got older, she had to tend to her (demanding) kids. As for me, I guess Internet and adolescence happened and I stopped. haha But some years later, thanks to the Internet (ha!), I found a bunch of local blogs by people who are into handmade things and DIYs. Little by little, I tried their tutorials and I started buying craft materials whenever I could. And I'm so happy! I can spend a day away from my laptop and make a mess on my bedroom floor with all the paper and paint I have. It's like when others lose themselves in a good book. That's me and crafting.

I will learn more about my job. Working in a business your father started isn't easy. It's hard to have your dad as one of your bosses, and live up to the expectations of everyone. But in the past year, I just started not caring about their expectations. What I did was I took advantage of my age- I'm the youngest in the office- and and just started learning everything. Being the youngest allows more room for mistakes, and buys you extra patience when you can't understand what your bosses are telling you. I am just thankful to have my other boss, "Tito E". He answers my questions patiently, even if it's the third time I asked in a week. This year I just wanna be like a sponge and learn what I can. Most of the time I feel like it's a routine, what I'm doing. I get bored every so often that I have actually considered resigning a hell lot of times. HAHA Then again, I'm still here. It's all a matter of perspective. I mean, who goes to the office twice or thrice a week and get paid for a five day work week, right? That's a lot of extra time in my hands. Which brings me to my next plan.

Find something or someone to keep busy with. Hahaha I love having free time but I hate not having something to do! Farrah tells me I should date a haciendero because hacienderos have a lot of time in their hands (aka maraming oras mag date). Sucks that I don't know a lot of hacienderos. HAHAWhile destiny is working on the 'someone' part, I can focus on the 'something'. I'll learn and hopefully master a new dish each month. That and my craft projects should keep me happy during my free time.

One last but important thing. CARE LESS (about what others will think)AND LOVE MORE. I really love people who at the risk of getting hurt, still keep giving love. (Okay, that's a lot of love in once sentence. haha) I kinda see myself in them. I think I'm like that. I have this theory that if I keep giving love to everyone in my life, it'll bounce back ng bonggang bongga. I have yet to prove that theory but I will let you know once I have proof. For now, let the love overflow and I'm sure one day, we'll get the love we really deserve.

Anyhoo, this is me talking to myself. Right now I just really wanna have an awesome, crazy year with my friends and my family. I want to laugh as much as I can, live life as amazing as I can afford (not literally), see more places, meet lots of people, create lasting memories, and just enjoy each day. I have been a grumpy bitch to my family most of the time but I have my moments too. I hope I'll have less grumpy days and more fun days with the folks. They're getting older. I should make each day count.

I'll review this before 2013 ends. I hope the first two days of 2013 has been good to you guys. All my love!

New year. :)

I'm not self destructive, just always hopeful.

I'm a hopeless romantic. Anyone close to me will agree. Sometimes I'm too cheesy, I actually feel I need to explain why. But my mind would race too fast, every thought becomes a fleeting feeling, and I end up setting them aside in one compartment in my mind with a label 'Must Process ASAP'.

Processing emotions take so much effort. It also takes a lot of courage to admit to yourself how you really feel. It's hard to tell even your closest friends. When I feel like I can't say it to a friend, I write letters to myself. Once I wrote a letter for that one guy who'll paint for me a love like no other. The letters I make are so real, so genuinely true, that they put my hopes so high up that one day, if I stop believing, I'd shatter to pieces. That's the risk I deal with everyday.

You may ask why I bother being a romantic when being a non-romantic is so much more convenient and frankly, practical. If I choose to be a non-romantic, maybe I'll be less disappointed with the world. Maybe I won't have to feel that teeny bit of sting every time I couples on a date when I'm out alone. Maybe I won't have to doubt myself- if I'm even worthy of the grand kind of love. 

If I choose to be a non-romantic, maybe I'd be less emotional. I'll have less lonely nights. I'll have saved myself a few mini heart attacks. If I choose to be a non-romantic, the only thing that'd be more of is being a disappointment to myself. 

Because choosing to be a non-romantic means I'm refusing to share to the world the overflowing hopeful kind of love. The romantic in me feels that maybe, just maybe, if I keep throwing this kind of love all over the place, it's gonna hit someone so strong it'll bounce back to me.

Coz maybe we want that first heartbreak as much as we want that first love. It's a gauge of how much you could handle, and how much more you can. If you're lucky to find the right love at the first try, awesome. For those not as fortunate, they take home a story to tell. A lesson to share. They find a new strength and a new self. That's more than enough reason to try. 

Because maybe that new version is your best version. And your best version will only deserve the best kind of love there is. That grand kind you've been waiting for.

♥ 

Versions

Been feeling bummed all day today. Maybe it's the hormones. Or the weather (been raining the past 3 days and you know how I'm not friends with the rain). Or maybe there's something else that's been bothering me but I can't quite figure out what.

More often than not, when I'm feeling down, I gravitate toward the eternal topic of the heart. It didn't help that James Morisson is the star of my rainy day playlist and that I've been witnessing a lot of these 'strong emotions' lately. Yes, that's witnessing, not experiencing. hehe

Anyway, the nicer part of the day came in the evening. My college friend and blockmate Vincent just proposed to his girlfriend. I'm gonna let the video tell you about it.



After watching Vincent's proposal video, I started watching wedding videos which I shouldn't be doing coz...gets niyo na yun.

Anyway, enough chit chat. I wanted to write something because I need a reminder. I cannot tell anyone what I'm feeling. Don't even coerce me. NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

I find myself overthinking something I'm not even feeling (yet?). Pinapangunahan, kumbaga. And I hate it. Because it's not the best version of me. It's my fucked up version. You see, I have a tendency to settle. It's just a tendency. It usually ends as soon as I recognize it because the bigger voice in my head would scream I DESERVE THE BEST. So into the bin goes the settling and hello again to my 'normal' self.

Because I'd rather be alone in my normal self than be alone in my fucked up version. Admitting to these strange but familiar feelings (YES, I SEE THE IRONY THERE) do not guarantee that I will not be alone. Admitting would only mean there are thoughts that will keep me up at night. Thoughts that remain as just thoughts when you wake up in the morning.

So don't ask me how I'm feeling. Coz I'm afraid to ask myself. Coz even if I knew the answer, I'm not gonna tell. If I don't tell, no one knows. If no one knew, then it never existed. And maybe, that's how it should be.

Birthday wish list!

Farrah requested that I make one so here goes. I just picked from my long list of wants. Yes, I keep a list so that when I feel I deserve a reward, I buy something that's on my list. The thing about being single is that I'm my own Santa / genie. hehe

1. Washi tapes! I'm craaaazy about them. They're too cute not to have! http://blog.quaintdesk.com/products-page/

2. Watercolor paper. Someone told me I should try watercolor during my free time (which I have a lot of). I got myself a basic Prang palette and a small 30-sheet Berkeley paper. My artist friends said I can't just do watercolor on any paper. The pigment should 'well' on the paper, thus, rough paper is recommended. I'd like to try the Canson brand next.

3. Handheld mixer. I've been dying try my hand at baking (using my toaster, hehe) I'm sure this is on my mom's list for the kitchen (or for me because I keep nagging her).

4. French press. Coffee making class has been on my list since forever but I have yet to find a class. In my recent trip from Siem Reap (which reminds me I must post my collages), I bought a bag of Ratanakiri coffee beans. I thought I'd replicate the coffee we had at the hotel. I can't really tell if the coffee beans are the best kind because I don't know much about coffee beans. I should really learn now.

5. Glass cookie jars. Nope, not for the kitchen. I'll be converting one part of the bar into a craft corner. I'll use the jars to store my washi tapes, gift ribbons and the rest of my art stuff. I'm excited to have a fancy craft corner at home. 

6. Of course the kikay me will want a share in the wish list. Benefit Hello Flawless Wow foundation. I won a sample sized bottle a month ago and I like it. Not LOVE it. Love is Smashbox 15 hour foundation. But this one is very good for chill days. 

7. Lastly, Tony Moly Jelly Bubble Spray. I wanted to bring this with me to Cambodia because I figured it'll be a long and hot trip. Unfortunately, it was out of stock. Hopefully I can get a bottle before summer ends.

That's about it! My birthday is a few days away.  I can still remember last year's celebration. A simple weekday dinner with Nano and Mau morphed into a 4-song concert and inuman with some football players. Totally unexpected but very much enjoyed that night. 

This birthday week I plan to see my favorite friends. Maybe spend my actual birthday with the whole family here at home and then hang out with friends in the evening.

I don't like worrying too much on how I'd celebrate my birthday. I have 364 other days to celebrate life. :)

Mommy's day

Spent the day with the whole family at the mall. Mom wanted to try North Park so we had lunch there. She also sent me and Joop to the salon to get a trim. That's where we heard the hilarious conversation I tweeted. hihi

Dinner at Bonchon. :)

PIPINO VEGAN CHALLENGE

Apartment friends and I decided to check out Pipino Vegetarian for dinner sometime last week. We're fans of Pino but never tried its vegetarian counterpart so I figured it'll be a nice change.

Honestly, I feel most of the dishes are bland (for my taste, at least). I personally expected that vegan restos would make up for the lack of meat through interesting and rich flavors. The only dishes I recommend are the vegetarian kare-kare (it's just Pino's bagnet kare-kare without the bagnet), vegetable tempura platter, the pancit canton (with buckwheat noodles), and the desserts.

The egg-less chocolate cake it most and yummy! Their ice creams are also interesting. I like the buco ice cream. Not a big fan of the chocolate and banana ice creams. hehe

And oh, the place is lovely! It's like a sosyal pre-school. So cute! It's a nice peg for a studio unit if you're into clean, fresh, spaces.

Clockwise: Ana, Carms, Berns,

my new washi tapes which I got earlier that day,

the Pipino work station, and with Mau.

Bacolod

One of the provinces that hold a special place in my heart is Bacolod. I've been there countless of times, each one, a different story. The trip to Bacolod for Masskara with my BA friends (and other BA batches) is definitely one of my favorite memories.

Cuties in the plane, everyday inasal galore, hike at Mambukal, Ruins, dinner at Hacienda Javelosa, Mushu nights, trike ride from Mushu to Planta hotel (because walang taxi!), five-peso bibingka at the plaza.

Hong Kong 2011

Second country to visit.

First out of the country trip with my mare, Fa.

Will go back in 2013- with more shopping money. hihi